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I worry...

 So. Spring break. I've been catching up on my show watching a little bit today. Started Parks and Rec, which is cute...unfortunately I somewhat spoiled myself by watching the most recent episodes first on Hulu. In my defense, I just wanted to see if it was gooooood or not. Bwah. But anyways, now I get to see the development of the good ship Leslie/Ben and I am looking forward to it because daaaaaaaaawww they look like adorable dorks. 

Also caught up with HIMYM. Remembering how much I liked it to begin with. It's a lot of fun, and I really do feel like they make you care about the characters. 

Spoiler alert, as well as personal angst...Collapse )

Anyways. It's not like it's something I dwell on. But sometimes it's inescapable. I even think it's good to consider, sometimes, because maybe, just maybe, it would lighten the blow by that minuscule amount, when it does come. Probably wishful thinking. 

Certainly, my break was not entirely (or even mostly!) spent pondering such weighty matters.

Got a new and awesome yoga mat today, and had a nice walk around Upper Southside, to and from College Avenue. The weather even cooperated for a bit, clearing up the rain. But the rain isn't so bad. I rather enjoy it, most of the time, that feeling of being in the power of the elements. And I've always loved the wind. Plus, after that last day on the Milford, it seems like an incredible luxury to think to myself, "Hey. I can go home. WHENEVER I WANT. And have DRY clothes and a WARM BLANKET and a HOT SHOWER waiting for me." Instead of being midway through a 10-hour hike and basically having no other option but keep going.

Not that that day was so bad. After you get past the initial point where you're like "WOW THIS SUCKS ASS IT'S 8 AM AND I'M ONLY STARTING MY 10+ HOUR HIKE AND MY BOOTS ARE STILL SOAKED FROM YESTERDAY AND IT'S RAINING AND COLD AND WTFGOD", and reconcile yourself to the fact that yes, you signed up for this and so you have to do it, it gets pretty fun. Puddles are for splashing in! Mud is a nice soft cushion-y rest from the rocks that you're battering your feet against for the rest of the time! You're soaked anyways, but your wool is keeping you warm, so you might as well whistle as you walk and pick up the pace because HELLO SOME OF YOUR BEST MEMORIES ARE IN THE RAIN. Plus, you'd never see all these awesome waterfalls if it weren't raining. And really the rain makes this whole thing so much more legit because can you REALLY say that you hiked the Milford if it didn't rain torrentially for at least ONE day? Et cetera. 

Number X thing that hiking has taught me: sometimes, it rains. and you can either cry and be like fuck this, or you can shift your perspective and be like this is awesome make the best of it. either way, you have no choice but to go forward, so just remember that sometimes making the best of things can be pretty damn good. it won't rain forever (although it may feel like it will at the time) and at the end of your journey there might be a hotel room out of the rain with a heater and a hot shower and dry clothes and a real bed. (and god that was an awesome end to that hiking trip! what can compare to the ecstasy of stripping off every single layer of soaked clothes, down to the skin, tossing them in the tub, washing yourself free of the mud and running out to jump on your bed clad in only a towel because it's a single room (privacy! hells yeah!) and wow the sensation of rubbing throbbing, aching feet against the carpet? totally makes me understand the appeal of sm in a way. pleasure/pain are separated by a thin line at times.)

Err. Tired. Starting to ramble. Should sleep now. My metaphors may be starting to mix. But I feel better for having gotten my thoughts down on 'paper'. 



 Welcome to the wonderful world of group programming. Be prepared not to sleep much. At all. Slip days essential.

Rule 1: Never underestimate the importance of establishing a standardized set of coding practices. 

Rule 2: If Rule 1 = not possible, then at least make sure that you have your partners on hand to help with decoding this. 

Rule 3: If Rules 1 and 2 = not possible, die a little inside and prepare to spend a lot of time deciphering your partner's code while they attempt to assist remotely. Caffeinate

I'm getting tired of the central conceit here, so no more rules L-A!Kj(*&hJhwertbnlo e;l es;lb znlkjh@5

Sorry, that was my head hitting the keyboard. 

I suppose this was predictable for the first project, not to mention one split between three people (ostensibly). The third person is sort of scared of the idea of coding, and therefore decided to spend her time preparing lovely cinematics for the game. Great, right? Except for the fact that they are rendered useless by the limitations of the language we're using. The program gets laggy if your project starts to grow beyond 1-2 MB. Her cinematics? Well over that: 72MB intro cinematic, 20MB outro. 


Gorgeous but ultimately useless. Sadly. It would be great to include them, but at this point I think it would take a day to load the project (if my computer failed to explozeee into a thousand molten bits of shrapnel instead) if they were included in their uncut form. 

Finding this out 3 hours before due was AWESOME. I'd finally gotten the main parts of the game, coded by me and other partner, to play nicely with each other. And then this. Aish. I will never be the compiler again. Getting these things to mesh together is a bitch when you don't have enough time. Normally I would enjoy the challenge, in fact I was up until this particular unwelcome bit of news, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Le sigh. Alright. I'm going to walk home now and probably spend some more time working on this.


I could sleep.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Perfectionism means you do it right or not at all. Obvs not at all is no longer an possibility, so right it is! I love my compulsions...

Perhaps once this is over I'll actually start to enjoy my spring break. 

To Do:
- permit test
- groceries
- botanical garden :D (if no rain)
- sleep
- baking/cooking
- ling 115 hwk/cs10 midterm study
- see Paul FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (hello moviestar boyfriends Simon Pegg and Nick Frost!)
- karaoke with MK also ftw!
 Perhaps the third all-nighter of the semester so far. What is it about long weekends that encourages me not a whit to be proactive? It always just seems like so much time...until it isn't. And then I find myself in the same situation. Rather circular.

I suppose I should actually try to break out of the circle, or at least turn it into an upward spiral :D
Totally will.
Next time.

In all fairness though, I have recently been a lot better about getting to bed at a decent hour and completing stuff ahead of time (for me). Slow progress, but progress all the same. 

Now I just have to finish this essay...and perhaps I can sleep. A little.

El-jay Evolution

Just took the time to review my lj posts...it's fun seeing how much I've changed. And how much has remained the same. It reminds me that I might actually be the fun, smart person that I sometimes forget to believe that I am. I should start writing creatively again. Because I am GOOD at it?! Imagine.

Perhaps attempting a resurrection of this little blog will help me feed that side of me. 

So. Recent news.

I am a Linguistics major. And I sort of hate it. In the sense that I don't even know why I'm wasting my time on something that mostly fails to engage me any more (although it must have done at some point, because major, no?). However. I am a senior, so no time to choose again (as usual I overthink and end up late to the party). I resolve to take an extra semester to finish up my shit, attempt to raise my GPA, and maybe take some classes that can help me figure out wtf I want to do with my life, forreals. 

Segues nicely into my CS class. I'm taking CS10 this semester. It's actually pretty awesome, and not the torturous and terrifying experience that I might have anticipated a CS class to be based on moments of incredible pessimism combined with the anecdotes of my peers. I mean, Alonzo is so cute! How could a program with a sprite like that be scary? Scratch and BYOB are good things in my world right now. ^_^ So, yay AP CS pilot program, and yay Berkeley! It doesn't hurt that the professor is probably the most enthusiastic one that I've ever experienced (although I hear from others that they have had similarly dynamic profs in other classes, so maybe I am REALLY in the wrong major), which is awesome. Also nice is that one of the gsi's for the class is in-particular someone that I find quite attractive ^____^. But...gah! Grad student! Why am I always attracted to the guys who are just old enough to be in an entirely different phase of life, while still young enough to appear tantalizingly within reach? I blame John for ruining me for age-appropriate men (I was only a freshman! He was 26 and a had an important-sounding focus like Landscape Arch! And then there was Daniel. And then there was...well, no, he doesn't count because he was an asshole. grr). But I will name no relevant (and possibly damning) names. After all, with bits NOTHING GOES AWAY (!!eleventy1!) so one must be careful what one commits to digital storage. Especially if one persists in talking about oneself in the third person, which makes one seem pretentious (if one does say so oneself (one does)). The people in my lab are fun, and the lab itself is at a good time, since it gets to bleed into the 8-10 lab, which lets me stick around to try and get things right! Plus, my baller schedule (good god, I'm talking like ZL -_-') means that I have no classes on TuTh, so in theory i can stay up as late as I want. Sweeeeeeeet.

Also taking my last ling major class (actually an okay prof this time. he's witty and urbane and likes to cite french examples) and my R1B (Animal Life - Comp. Lit), and of course, the Alpha Phi Omega! LFS and all that jazz! Not bigging again (once was enough), but I am trying to stay involved by hotspotting and chairing events and such.

Attempting to get a driver's license so that I can return to the great North this summer (although lord knows what Martha will have in store for me in that event. senior staff AND i can drive? ecstasy!). CDNFL! Denali I miss you...

What else? Had my second NZ Xmas in a row (so far they are stacking up WAAAAAAAAY better than Saudi Xmas, despite a distinct lack of camels) with the parentals, and drove what felt like the length of the South Island. It wasn't, but I feel like we hit most of the high notes, and possibly saw every. single. sheep. between Milford Sound and Picton. Highlights: Queenstown (great city! feels like a big town, but actually is not so big. had pizza at the cow! unfortunately left the day that sevens was supposed to start, even though it was right by our motel. sad), which was our jumping-off point for the Milford Track (aka the greatest walk in the world (new zealanders are also a very modest people, did i mention?)), which was basically awesome from start-to-finish. Possibly will post more details on that later, as it really does deserve its own space. Stopped off at Oamaru (steampunk + little blue penguins), swam with the dolphins at Kaikoura (freezing! but mind-blowing!), visited Akaroa (and didn't want to leave the beautiful hybrid-frenchness of it all! also went sailing on the Fox II, which i recommend to anyone who does not suffer from debilitating sea-sickness. the captain plays deliciously campy music as a counterpoint to the scenery. and they ALWAYS find dolphins. hector's dolphins, too, which are quite rare and love chasing the boat and playing in front of it) as well as Ch(rist)ch(urch), which seems to be recovering slightly from its catastrophic earthquake. I have seen the great Pohutokawa in all its glory! As well as a number of NZ's other notable flora/fauna, like the Kea. I adore the Kea. In fact, I would say that the only bad thing about NZ, aside from the deadly plane ride to get there, is how expensive the books are. I would go into withdrawals. Possibly die. Which would be bad. Maybe I could channel myself to the outdoors instead? As long as I have copious amounts of sunblock.

I could ramble on ad infinitum, but I really should actually sleep tonight (I've been so tired since Sunday...thanks CNY Run!)
So, up in Alaska again. Cleaning many things and learning new jobs that I didn't do last year (which people think I must have done because I was here last year. Not so) and trying to remember the old jobs that I actually did do last year. Meeting new people, working on my knitting and all that. Oddly enough, gmail doesn't really work on the internet that they have up here. It's an odd case; you can log in and even see your inbox...but you can't actually open and read any of your emails. Hopefully this gets resolved before anything too urgent ferments overlong in my inbox...

Once again feeling unfit in relation to almost all of the staff, but I'm better than I was last year. Can walk up the staff trail without stopping, although I will be puffing and red when I get to the top. Doesn't help that it's washed out a bit. The Camp road is easier, too.

Today was my first day off, but rainy, so I've yet to attempt the Ridge. I think I'll go tomorrow regardless of the weather, but I'd rather see if it is improved tomorrow. Maybe I'll go tonight, even. Since the weather has gotten sunnier and all. Plus it never gets dark, really.

Okies, signing off. Rawthorne, do ping me on here since I can't get gmail to work. Wub, girlie.
I just need to keep going. In a couple more hours I can sleep.

In the past two weeks, I have completed my final Env. Design project, entirely cleaned and moved out of my apartment (in the space of two days, with help from the parentals and a minivan) and got the furniture to the new place (and today into the finally vacated room all by myself *is brawny and proud of it* ), fought multiple times with parental units and then gotten past it, gotten utilities and such turned off for the old apt, registered a forwarding address with the post office, kenneled my cat, taken parts I and II of my Japanese final (and actually studied, yes!), studied more for other finals, flown out to VA at 6am on the 14th to see my brother graduated from VT (accompanied by a terrible guest speaker who was totally out of line), seen and eaten the Japanese teppan yaki grill show for the first time (impressive! fun! highly recommended!), then woke up at 5:30 am VA time on the 16th to return here, flights through Roanoake and O'Hare BARTed back to Berkeley, walked back to the new apt, moved all my furniture in single-handedly, and that brings me here.

I'm tired. Have spent 20 hours of my life in the last 3 days on airport related activities. Cramps are killing me ( I do NOT enjoy being a girl at these times). Haven't eaten in something like 8 hours and I still need to go get my cat and bring her back with misc other necessary supplies, go get my bike (will leave for tomorrow, perhaps) and at some point get food. Oh, and study for my finals on the 18th19th20th.

Truly, persistence is the key to success. As long as you JUST KEEP GOING, things will eventually work out (and they do anyways, so you might as well try to make sure it comes down on your side of things. I just have to start kicking myself in the ass more and stop being afraid of disappointment/rejection. I will begin to be more persistent in my everyday life! Persistent-er with studying, following through on random things I want to do, going to be early, wevs.


*drags carcass out of chair and out the door*
I should never have been introduced to any of these things: omonatheydidnt , gifs, photobucket or Kpop (and certainly not these things in conjunction with each other). Together, they are conspiring to take over my LIFE.

And I couldn't be happier. ^_^

Finals, psssht, what finals? (No, srsly, will totally start studying for Japanese tonight. And I kind of really have started already. Really.)

Things I like right now:
- Anything to do with Big Bang

A short summary of salient points...with GIFs!!Collapse )

In short, right now all things Big Bang are made of win and I really want Tae and TOP chained to my bed. They have infected my ipod and I basically listen mostly to them right now...although I'm sure this too shall pass.

Also still loving on my DBSK bbs, forever and always. And if the singing career doesn't pan out, I can say with confidence that Junsu most likely make an easy transition to pr0n. But I'm pretty sure that (imploding fandom aside) he's going to be out of the wheelchair and able to walk again. So no biggie. I win either way!

Other updates on my life/school statusCollapse )

Well, that's all I can think of for now! To shower and off to study/bed!

Omona owns me...

Holy. CRAP. I could not stop laughing. In fact, I think I broke something. Best parody EVER.

Apr. 27th, 2009

OMFG. This turns me into a sniffly, teary mess.


I'm never coming back from this, am I?

Have just discovered the genderswitch!fic. As applied to BigBang, DBSK, and Suju.

OH MY GOD. Such perfect crack has never been seen.

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